7/15/23 - Yeah I Can Sell You Some Pot but I Can’t Have Secks With You + Plants

If there’s anyone who understands the power of pots, it’s me. 

Gaay, straight, man, woman, young, old, married, single; everyone fcuks with pots. 

And because of this, sadly, we can never be. 

You see, if you come to my business, A House of Pots, odds are that you’re going to give me money (for pottery or plants). After you see what I can do and that I have all the pots times a thousand or two, you might start feeling some type of way. 

While the combination of these two is always a good thing, I’ll be frank, it’s not good for our chances. 

You see, no matter how attractive you are or how much we’re vibing, as soon as you’re on the paying customer track, I can’t bring myself to mix business and pleasure. You can shop at your leisure, and once it’s clear you intend to do so, money inevitably changes hands. 

While I will indeed grow fond of you for doing this, this outcome eliminates any potential bumping and grinding we may have one day otherwise enjoyed. 

Why can this not be you might ask? It’s elementary my dear. Because taking your money and a piece of that azz would make me a dirty little slutt.

When you give me money for pots and we do the secks after, I’m no better than a common gigolo Americano. And believe you me, I’m no Richard Geer mother fcuker. 

I’m better. And you better recognize. 

I want you to want me for the man that I am AND my smokin’ hot bod, not just because of my great pots and their low, low prices. 

Shhh shhhh shhhhh shhh

I know this is difficult. 

Likely upsetting as well. 

You can reach out to talk about it:

<< 909 >> << 744 >> << 7708 >> 

- or - 


Feel free to Googie my biz:

A House of Pots

1620 w 74th way Denver CO 80221

Open Saturdays and Sundays from 11ish until after 6. 

Feel free to think any way you’d like to about this information, and take me up on any of the following:

Free joy

Free anticipation 

Free misconception 

Freedom of expression

Free potting of your selected plant

Free planting in the pot you select

Free transplanting of cacti into pots

Free nursery planters on occasion 

Free rescue plants occasionally

Free cardboard and other discard, generally

Free pallets quite often

Free empty beer cans when I’m finished 

Free pass with your wife? I don’t know

I see the way you’ve been looking at me, Swan. I get it. You need to get some, and I’ve got the goods that you seek. Come on down you bad little daddy man and I’ll show you what a temptress like myself can tempt with, in the form of pots. 

Yeah baby, it’s going to be so good for you. Show me how strong those muscles are by picking up some heavy pots. Move those $10 bags of soil around my yard. You really are dirty little white boi, aren’t you? And you’re baaad. 

I can see you now. 5-foot-7. Rippling delts. Faded polo shirt. Fcuking dirty little mustache. You work hard and you play harder. That’s what’s making this so difficult. 

I know we’re capable of making this work. You can buy all the pots and I can bite off a piece of that ax. But axe me this. What happens if we fall in love?

That’s too far. You have a family. I have a family. It can never be. 

No. I can’t have secks with you Caleb Roddy of Denver. It would just be too painful. 

Considering our love affair, I’m not even sure that selling you pottery makes sense at this point anymore. 

You know what? Fcuk it. 

Yeah I can sell you some pots but I can’t have secks with you.

Time for p.jargon:

gardens, succulent, climbing, terracotta, Wheat Ridge, plant stand, running, Denver, grow aloe, Longmont, yard sale, planter, vegetable box, gardening, Commerce City, Superior, Federal Heights, Castle Rock, cement, Parker, jargon, pottery barn, Thornton, Golden, Erie, monstera, Arvada, mcm, succulents, red clay, cacti, Brighton, Fort Collins, plant, Broomfield, planters, plants, gardener, Loveland, Northglenn, Louisville, Westminster, garden, tree, Greeley, holder, philodendron, porcelain, estate sale, pot, trees, green greenhouse, cactus, Aurora, Boulder, garage sale, Littleton, hiking, stoneware, pottery, Lakewood, Centennial, ceramics, pots, ceramic, fishing, plant store near me, plants near me, plant shop, pottery shop, pottery store near me, pottery shop near me, pots near me, pottery near me

Shhh shhhh shhhhh shhh

*** If this makes you feel some type of way, it probably means that you want to have secks with me, bro ***

Click These Cool Buttons