Before I begin, I’ll be direct. I’m a pottery business owner who misplayed his hand and is now facing hundreds of thousands of dollars in compliance-related expenses in order to conduct business at his place of business.

I've been informed that inventory storage outdoors is not permissible under my commercial zoning. Unless my pottery is brought inside nightly, having items outside at my property is not allowed. I have to build a permitted structure to store pottery under and make other expensive upgrades around the property or face significant fines until I do.

In hopes of raising the necessary funds to update and ultimately save the location, I’m asking the community at large to help my business, A House of Pots, liquidate and comply.

In exchange for this help, I'm offering up my inventory to contributors. People who help me comply will get to choose from the pottery I have left on hand. If enough funds are raised to fully comply, I’m going to give all remaining pottery away without charge to anyone and everyone interested.

By sharing this GoFundMe, you’re giving my business hope, helping me liquidate, and opening up the possibility of me giving an unimaginable amount away.

I need support, in any form someone is willing to give.

Whatever you can spare, whether that’s advice, expertise, contributions, positive thoughts, well wishes, a moment, a share, or a prayer, I’m eternally grateful.

My overall request is simple though:

Share my cause.

If you’ve ever put your all your eggs into one basket, all your energy into a series of endeavors, your entire heart and soul into anything or anyone, or you can simply empathize with someone who has, please consider sharing my struggle so that I might have an opportunity to dig myself out of a sizable hole.

Do you love houses? Do you love pots? I know you like dem plants.

That's what I'll tell my grandchildren, who never got to see A House of Pots, because I couldn't afford compliance.

If you’d never been, you would have loved A House of Pots; but the problem is, you might never get to.

See, I’ve created a problem. A world class problem. And while it is a personal problem, it’s also a problem for anyone who craves reasonably priced plants and the lowest prices on pots anywhere to be found.

The compliance issues I've run into at A House of Pots mean that many changes must be made.

The problem is that these changes are going to be expensive. It will cost me in excess of $100,000 to continue operating when it’s all said and done. Frankly, the outlook is grim.

I’ll detail my problems in due time, but what’s abundantly clear is that I need to ask for help.

A House of Pots is asking for your support.

Support can come in many forms. Sharing this GoFundMe (please and thank you). Making a donation (but not without me returning the favor). Tweeting a Senator. Visiting A House of Pots.

1620 w 74th way, Denver, CO 80221

When it comes to help, I certainly need as much as I can get, and without support from Denver, Colorado, and the plant community at large, my days might be as numbered as an underpriced cylinder set at my store front.

For the better part of two years I’ve been amassing a pottery empire in a little backyard in North Denver that, as it would turn out, was unfit for the manner in which I conduct business.

As it turns out, assembling pallet racks that reach the heavens adorned with low, low priced pottery are prohibited under my commercial zoning.

As it turns out, I’m a damfool.

As it turns out, I’ve always been on to something though.

People have always loved the combination of pots and plants located indoors and outdoors that A House of Pots has offered. Business has been satisfactory, enough to sustain the business and stack racks of pots. But as it turns out, it hasn’t been enough to meet the compliance necessary to endure.

As soon as it became clear that major changes were necessary to upgrade my facilities I began liquidating my inventory. By offering even lower prices, more customers than usual started to come.

This made me realize something:

Not only am I passionate about selling pottery, but I love selling it unreasonably cheap too.

I want help so I can continue to do so and keep pottery affordable for the entire Front Range.

In order to persist, I’m facing a hefty property renovation bill including:

  • Relocating my driveway from the eastern extent of the property to the west ($20,000)

  • Connecting the sidewalk on Pecos with 74th way ($10,000)

  • Removing a tree at the new entryway ($1,000) or relocating a sewer and gas line ($25,000)

  • Paving a driveway from the new point of entry to the rear of the property ($4,000)

  • Paving two to three parking spaces ($2,500)

  • Landscaping the space where the driveway used to exist ($5,000)

  • Installing a ramp to access the front of the building ($5,000)

  • Permitting and engineered plans for all of the above ($15,000)

  • Soil tests and reporting by a geotechnical engineer ($1,500)

  • Engineered foundation plans and details for the building ($1,500)

  • Engineered structural plans and details for the building ($1,500)

  • Complete architectural plans and details for the building ($1,500)

  • Complete mechanical plans and details for the building ($1,500)

  • Complete electrical plans and details for the building ($1,500)

  • Complete plumbing plans and details for the building ($1,500)

  • Landscaping and parking plans for the building ($1,500)

  • Development review submittal fees ($130)

  • Interior and bathroom renovations to meet ADA standards ($30,000)

  • Constructing a prefabricated structure to house all outdoor pottery beneath ($100,000)

  • Permitting and planning for the outdoor covered structure ($20,000)

It’s a tall task, but with enough contributions, inventory sales, and some more favorable contractor and engineer bids, I might just be able to pull it off. If I can, I’ll be set to supply low-priced ceramics for years to come.

When you add it all up, it may cost me over $200,000 to comply. The project total will most certainly exceed $100,000 in a best case scenario. Asking for this much support is crazy, but expecting it is downright insane.

To give A House of Pots the best odds, and to thank those who’ve shared or donated to the cause, I’m giving back to anyone who contributes. While supplies last, I’m offering the following:

  • A terracotta pot or orchid planter to whomever shares this GoFundMe campaign

  • A dollar-for-dollar match in terracotta for every donation between $25 and $150

  • A time-sensitive, conditional $150 store token for plants, terracotta, or ceramics for every donation $150 and above

  • For the ultimate stretch goal and pottery pay it forward, should enough funds be raised to meet all the compliance listed above, or if we get close enough to where I say fcuk it, I’m going to give away every piece of pottery on the property, free of charge, to anyone and everyone, whether they donated or not.

This final outcome is so improbable that it barely merits detailing, but I can’t think of a better way to thank the community than just giving away all of my store’s possessions. Frankly, this is what I want most. This kind of gesture embodies what I want from A House of Pots moving forward: unbridled generosity.

I want to liquidate and comply. If I can afford to give away everything that remains, I will, gladly. For the time being, I’ll need to combine liquidation sales and donations to have a fighting chance of saving the property and thereby the business. But make me put my money where my mouth is and prove what I say.

Should you share or donate and intend to redeem one of the incentives above, email me evidence of as much and do so publicly. I’ll make a registry of who participated and we can coordinate.

Should I not be to meet my property’s required compliance, I’ll almost certainly be going out of business. With this in mind, it’s important that everyone follow up to pick up their pottery as soon as possible.

For those of you who don’t live in Colorado, I’ll triple my offer of terracotta if you’re able to come get it. A $25 donation nets you $75 of terracotta. I can’t ship it though.

For those of you who are local, but can’t make it to A House of Pots, message me, and we can discuss delivery in the Denver area.

You might be thinking to yourself, "wait a minute, I've already read a lot from this guy, but how can I read more?"


You might also be thinking to yourself, "wait a minute, isn't this the guy that writes those funny Facebook and Craigslist postings about pottery?"

Yes, I'm him.

I'm the Oprah of pots, the one that legends foretold, he who is trappin' like Hank, Mr. Re: Legion of the Pots, the number one potsman, the persuasive pen, Ian with the pots, Don Potts, the don of the pots, the one who helps plant daddies flex on them hose, the guy who says cash is clay, the pottery robot, I of the Tiger, a ma'fk who's as cold as ice, Plant Game Dexter, the pottery attorney, and the one who invited you to grab my private pots.

You might be thinking to yourself, "if this guy can't comply, do the humorous pottery posts go away?"

Why yes, yes they do.

I do what I do because I want to sell pottery to you, cheap. Why do I do what I do? Because I love it. This passion manifests itself in the form of funny sales pitches, like “I Wish You Wood: Cheryl Wood’s Pottery Sale”, and it wouldn’t make much sense to keep creating content for a non-existent business.

It pains me to think that I'll need to walk away from the pots and I think you know why.

Help A House of Pots liquidate and comply.