3/20/21 - Plant and Pottery Sale: This One’s for All the Haters

March 20th, 2021

One thing I never hate hearing are comments of dissatisfaction or that I’m doing something wrong.

The haters will often comment: “why would you use so many words when just a few would do? Also, reading is difficult.”

Critiques are always valuable, even if they’re misguided. I can’t improve if I don’t realize where there’s room for improvement, so never hesitate to express your distaste for my approach through comments on this post, aggravated correspondence, or detailed messages about how I can do everything better.

Or if you’re feeling extra bold, you could come on, buy.

Statistics show haters comprise at least 16.7% of the marketplace, but can easily be converted to believers when exposed to the truth. I hate to change their minds by failing to ignore this sizable demographic, but their needs have been ignored for too long.

The remainder of this plant and pottery sale post is written for the haters, all of them, kept short and sweet.

For sale: plants and pots in North Denver. You won’t hate these prices.

These ceramic planters cost between $10 and $85. Buy two or more for lower prices; buy several to get free pots.

Plants follow the same guidelines. My collection is mostly succulents with a small selection of house plants. A cactus in a pot could be as low as $10 or in excess of $300.

If you’d like some cacti or a new planter, I’m open Saturdays and Sundays from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Ask about another time slot if the weekends won’t work for you.

It’s easy to get to my pottery shop, but you have to request the address. I’m off Highway 36 and the Pecos exit, but get the address from me and check the hours of operation first as I’d hate for you to get lost.

I can be reached at: << 909 >> << 744 >> << 7708 >>

Even if you don’t want to buy anything, even the haters are welcome to the following absolutely free:

Broken pottery, terracotta pieces, beer for bodyguards, pallets, gifts for accompanying children, occasional cuttings and rescue plants, references to the Playa Haters Ball, snow removal calisthenics, and nursery pots.

Here’s the part of the post where I introduce “Pottery Jargon”, which the haters are sure to hate. This section especially frustrates people who are reluctant to read, but read away with reluctance anyways.

Pottery jargon is a series of searchable terms included in the text to make the post easier to find online.

In the sake of brevity I was going to omit the jargon, but, instead, I’m going to interlace words like “bargain” and “backyard” or “barter” into copy copied directly from Chappelle’s Show timeless sketch, Player Haters Ball.

Yeah, you know what I'm sayin'? Like, real hatin', man, that's like an art form, man. You know, it's like, you like a born hater. You know, like myself, a lot of cats think they hatin'. I mean, I'm mad at everything, nursery man. Brother got a nice xeriscape container -- "man, why you got a cactus pot? I only got one planter. Why you got three ceramics or a garden or all that? Man, that's played out." I hate on a gardener 'til he's totally coming up from Castle Rock, and ain't got nothin' but deals, you know what I'm sayin'? 'Cause, yeah, that's what real value hatin' is all about, man.

Hey, what's poppin', everybody? The tree star here, wanna welcome you to the fifth annual Player Haters Award, uh, succulent Ceremony. This pottery affair, we, uh, we host this sale over once a year. We honor the most prestigious house plants abusers, uh, on the planet.

(Heavy Korean accent ) “I’m the top outdoors player hater from outside Korea. You planters, better recognize!” …

The Player Hater’s Ball gives us an opportunity to hate on a diverse array of mark-ass macetas, trick-ass terracotta, punk pachypodium and skip-scap skank surplus succulents ... hoes, flowers, hee-haws and hula fruit. …

Now, if you'll excuse me Denver, I'm gonna go take my throne 'cause I'm a shoo-in... for local house plant Hater of the Year.

The Player Haters Ball is not always about hating on Aurora. We play games with glazed trade, too.

Now to present the award for cheap decor player Hater of the Year (Booing while potting) …

I'd like to welcome all you free with purchase critics, complainers, disgruntled mile high rappers, ha, and those who dig a bargain especially, to the 5280’s ninth annual International Player Haters Ball!

Oh, man, hate cacti, hate clay, hate design... ( Audience chanting )

Hate Lakewood, hate Thornton, hate Fort Collins, hate Westminster ... Hate Centennial, hate Boulder, hate Greeley, hate Longmont, hate Loveland, hate Broomfield, hate Parker, hate Littleton.

Oh, man, you corny Sherrelwood! …

First off, I would like to thank Italian terra almighty for giving everybody so much ... and me so little. I hate you cacti, I hate you euphorbia, I don't even know you Northglenn, and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to Commerce City and nobody else but Federal Heights. (Booing)

Hate estate, hate yard sale, hate garage sales, hate desert plants, hate a green landscape! And as I sip my soda that I'm sure somebody from Erie spit in I just would like to say to all of you in the Front Range, kiss my maceta, you rotten outdoor yucca. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home and put some water in a decorative Gainey dish. Good evening Louisville. (Laughter)

Hate, extra hate, deck hate, flower hate, fruit hate, hate gardening, hate, hate, hate, hate...

*** Go sell some medicine, haters ***

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