9/3/22 - In the Beginning — Revisiting the Re: Legion of the Pots — Pottery and Plants for Sale

In the beginning there was but one pot, and it was terracotta. 

From this simple clay a new destiny was shaped, and it was A House of Pots. 

A House of Pots, the home of low, low prices, where discounts on best in market pricing are had for those glad to purchase two or more items, was destined to bring deliverance to the good people of greater Denver from the evils of inflation, corporate greed, and inventory homogenization among small businesses touting gentrification. 

It was I, the Messi, I, uh, who saw the truth early on, and embarked upon a new journey, investing thousands, so as to embrace community, quality, convenience, and value. 

Among our values is the disregard of individuals who have so little patience that they must abbreviate “Too Long Didn’t Read”; for their disdain of narrative, and their innate illiteracy, whether vocalized, transmitted digitally, or thought quietly to themselves, can only be met with a corresponding TLDR from any of those who espouse the Re: Legion of the Pots. 

Hitherto, I will regurgitate previous sermons and sales posts detailing the Re: Legion of the Pots, the values of a potsman, and some of what A House of Pots entails. 

But before this can be done, I will break character and spare any kindred spirit who has made it this far and only seeks information as to when, where, and how to attain any of these anointed plants and receptacles. 

This post solely serves to promote the plant and pottery shop A House of Pots. It is located in North Denver off Highway 36 and the Pecos exit. Nearly everything shown is for sale. Nearly all forms of payment are accepted. The business is open weekends only, Saturdays and Sundays, year-round, during daylight hours, from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m., typically. Appointments may be arranged midweek with the proprietor. There are free, no-purchase items available, but they’re low value generally. A House of Pots wholesales to various businesses in Colorado, but still offers wholesale-esque prices to everyone else, including trademark bundle discounts. Message for the address:

<< 909 >> << 744 >> << 7708 >>

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Tis the year of our lords, pots, and we, but simple plant shepherds, are called upon to preach the Re: Legion of the Pots; and, thereupon, low, low prices.

To love is to share, and therefore we must tell all that we know that low, low prices do exist, for the sole sake of self-preservation as we go forth and multiply our plant collections.

Many glazed ceramics, from $10 to $150, may burn a hole in your budget, but the love of terracotta, priced $1 to $35, is infinite. 

Our call is to extend as many planters to all, for their plants, in exchange for their money, but not too much or like in an expensive kind of way, so that their range of plant babies from clippings to big mommas may be housed comfortably throughout the Front Range.

The Re: Legion of the Pots embraces all denominations of plants, house, succulent, cactus, and otherwise, but odds are you’ll only find common cacti, succulents, and house plants like philodendron, pothos, and zz plants present in this house of worship. 

Plants, such as a nice succulent, cost between $5 and $45 for the general congregation, but something sacred, perhaps large or unique, may land in the $100 range with tax included. 

Prophecy foretold of the day $1 planters would return, a day which the disciples of low, low prices eagerly awaited, and that day is today. 

If your search for a little pot, fancy cacti, affordable house plants, large planters, or odd succulents has left you unfulfilled, search no further as you don't have to wait to reap what you sow here.

To reiterate, to revel in this glory, make pilgrimage to North Denver and Highway 36 towards Boulder, but exit on Pecos St., the street of our lords (pots). 

Hours of operation are limited to the weekends, Saturday and Sunday, 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.

If only absolutely free things can free your soul, then feel free to call upon the unconditional generosity of the Re: Legion of the Pots for any of the following:

*** FREE ***

You might ask, but what are you giving away for free? What is lower than the lowest of low, low prices? Here’s what’s free with absolutely no purchase necessary:

Freedom of choice

Freedom to extoll the Re: Legion of the Pots

Friendship among likeminded worshipers 

Cracked pots

Hundreds of pounds of broken terracotta

Labor, in so much as you may give yours for free

Use of the restroom

Holey pallets

Sacred terracotta shards

Anointed anecdotes

Terracotta trinkets for children

Baptism into a plant heavy lifestyle

Rescues in need of salvation

Just salvation in general

The Truth that is Pottery Jargon

==== Feel free to stop reading ====

pot·ter·y jar·gon  

1: the technical terminology or characteristic idiom of special entities, Ian Bramlett and A House of Pots

2: fancy words, obscure and often pretentious garden language, marked by circumlocutions and long sentences to enhance post searchability

3: confused unintelligible language that probably has something to do with pottery 

4: why are you still reading this; for the love of all that is decent, stop reading

==== I mean I told you it was jargon ====

Here’s some extra insight into how I write yard sale copy. I take words like pachypodium, biking, baby, table, maceta, gainey, and plants and then pepper in words like succulent, estate, deck, tires, garden, and vegetable. It turns out that surplus SEO works, even if you think it’s yucca. So when you’re choosing between the words outside and outdoor, don’t, and choose both, because you’ll sell more succulents, trees, or hiking gear or whatever if you take the time to describe ceramic flowers with as many words as possible to the 5280. Why wouldn’t a nursery do this? They probably would if they had a clue like this clay gardener with no iphone running a trade filled with design, glazed, vegetables, and house plants all from his laptop. I know it’s a holiday this weekend, but I’m still going to plant myself next to my cacti, decorative landscape planters, and value that saves you green. We’re expanding our local ceramics for your indoor gardening, whether that’s a flower container for your garage, a planter for your patio in the mile high, or just a ton of pottery for the whole family. Eventually you get to a point where you’re like screw it, sale, racing, land, grow, planting, deals, house, Italian. Then I might be like climbing, fruit, dig, macetas, home, free with purchase, weights, water, outdoors, barter, and décor. But out of nowhere I might be like check out this cactus from your tablet on your couch, or is it euphorbia? Either way, we have cheap exterior potting options for your backyard at a deal you’ve been fishing for. And if you want a xeriscape desert tree for your landscaping, we’ll send you home with a bargain. 

==== Distance makes a difference ====

If you’re familiar, I list assorted distances from this place of worship, Sherrelwood (0 mi.), but I’m going to mix it up for seemingly arbitrary purposes. 

OVER 30 MILES: to give what you’ve got to give: Fort Collins (58 mi.), Parker (32 mi.), Greeley (57 mi.), Loveland (45 mi.), Castle Rock (37 mi.)

UNDER 30 MILES: Centennial (23 mi.), Longmont (26 mi.), Erie (21 mi.),

UNDER 20 MILES: Lakewood (14 mi.), Boulder (20 mi.), Aurora (14-25 mi.),  Superior (13 mi.), Golden (14 mi.), Littleton (18 mi.),  Louisville (13 mi.), Lafayette (14 mi.)

UNDER 10 MILES: Broomfield (9 mi.), Northglenn (6 mi.), Denver (8 mi.), Arvada (6.5 mi.) 

UNDER 5 MILES: Thornton (5 mi.), Federal Heights (2 mi.), Commerce City (5 mi.), Westminster (2.5 mi.)

*** Blessed be the day you pay me a visit ***

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