7/3/21 - Our Prayers Have Been Answered - Tons of New Terracotta Pottery for Sale

Sacrifices were made. Our prayers have been answered. New pots have arrived.

Faith in the Religion of the Pots has paid dividends, in the form of many, many new clay and terracotta pots, from Italy and the USA, ranging from $1 to $35 per pot.

Prophecy foretold of the day $1 planters would return, a day which the disciples of low, low prices eagerly awaited, and that day is today.

As we rejoice, discount and bundle pricing is more prevalent than ever, courtesy of the bounty of the Religion of the Pots.

To revel in the glory, make pilgrimage to North Denver and Highway 36 towards Boulder, but exit on Pecos St., the street of our lords (pots). The precise location of this sacrament is seldom disclosed online, so message your local Religion of the Pots figurehead for that information at:

<< 909 >> << 744 >> << 7708 >>

- or -


The Religion of the Pots embraces all denominations of plants, house, succulent, cactus, and otherwise, but odds are you’ll only find cacti, succulents, and house plants like philodendron, pothos, and peperomia prostrata present in this house of worship.

To bring a plant home to your own house of worship, expect a price between $10 and $45 primarily, perhaps in the $100 range on something large or unique, with tax included and discounts available on more than one.

While you can speak through the Religion any day that you please, our facilities are only open to the devoted Saturdays and Sundays from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. and on Wednesdays and Fridays from 2 p.m. to 7 p.m., with wiggle room for those who reach out and express their interest before or after these hours.

Punctuality is not next to godliness here, and while we won’t go so far as to preach tardiness, you can plan on the shop opening up a little late, like it was our religion or something.

There are a fair amount of glazed ceramics available at fair prices, ranging from $10 to $100, though their numbers have been dwarfed by clay pots that have arrived in the thousands. More porcelain and stoneware ceramic options will arrive, though we’re unsure of when.

Prayers may be necessary.

*** FREE ***

You might ask, but what are you giving away for free? What is lower than the lowest of low, low prices? Here’s what’s free with absolutely no purchase necessary:

Freedom of religion

Freedom to extoll the Religion of the Pots

Friendship among likeminded worshipers

Hundreds of pounds of broken terracotta

Cracked pots

Anointed pallets

Labor, in so much as you may give yours for free

Terracottas for kids

Cuttings and rescues on occasion

Use of the restroom

Pottery jargon

==== Feel free to stop reading ====

pot·ter·y jar·gon

1: the technical terminology or characteristic idiom of special entities, Ian Bramlett and A House of Pots

2: fancy words, obscure and often pretentious garden language, marked by circumlocutions and long sentences to enhance post searchability

3: confused unintelligible language that probably has something to do with pottery

4: why are you still reading this; for the love of all that is decent, stop reading

==== I mean I told you it was jargon ====

Here’s some extra insight into how I write yard sale copy. I take words like pachypodium, biking, baby, table, maceta, gainey, and plants and then pepper in words like succulent, estate, deck, tires, garden, and vegetable. It turns out that surplus SEO works, even if you think it’s yucca. So when you’re choosing between the words outside and outdoor, don’t, and choose both, because you’ll sell more succulents, trees, or hiking gear or whatever if you take the time to describe ceramic flowers with as many words as possible to the 5280. Why wouldn’t a nursery do this? They probably would if they had a clue like this clay gardener with no iphone running a trade filled with design, glazed, vegetables, and house plants all from his laptop. I know it’s a holiday this weekend, but I’m still going to plant myself next to my cacti, decorative landscape planters, and value that saves you green. We’re expanding our local ceramics for your indoor gardening, whether that’s a flower container for your garage, a planter for your patio in the mile high, or just a ton of pottery for the whole family. Eventually you get to a point where you’re like screw it, sale, racing, land, grow, planting, deals, house, Italian. Then I might be like climbing, fruit, dig, macetas, home, free with purchase, weights, water, outdoors, barter, and décor. But out of nowhere I might be like check out this cactus from your tablet on your couch, or is it euphorbia? Either way, we have cheap exterior potting options for your backyard at a deal you’ve been fishing for. And if you want a xeriscape desert tree for your landscaping, we’ll send you home with a bargain.

==== Mandatory Portuguese ====

Sacrifícios foram feitos = Sacrifices were made

==== Distance makes a difference ====

If you’re familiar, I list assorted distances from this place of worship, Sherrelwood (0 mi.), but I’m going to mix it up for seemingly arbitrary purposes.

OVER 30 MILES: to give what you’ve got to give: Fort Collins (58 mi.), Parker (32 mi.), Greeley (57 mi.), Loveland (45 mi.), Castle Rock (37 mi.)

UNDER 30 MILES: Centennial (23 mi.), Longmont (26 mi.), Erie (21 mi.),

UNDER 20 MILES: Lakewood (14 mi.), Boulder (20 mi.), Aurora (14-25 mi.), Superior (13 mi.), Golden (14 mi.), Littleton (18 mi.), Louisville (13 mi.), Lafayette (14 mi.)

UNDER 10 MILES: Broomfield (9 mi.), Northglenn (6 mi.), Denver (8 mi.), Arvada (6.5 mi.)

UNDER 5 MILES: Thornton (5 mi.), Federal Heights (2 mi.), Commerce City (5 mi.), Westminster (2.5 mi.)

*** Blessed be the day you pay me a visit ***

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